Words From The Heart

It's finally starting to feel like Spring around here! For awhile I didn't think it would show up! I love this time of year when everything gets a fresh new start. New leaves, new blossoms, new growth. It allows me to reflect on the growth in my own life, something I've been working through. You've probably wondered if we had fallen off the face of the earth but we are here and keeping busy with life! I haven't posted much lately, partly because nothing super exciting has happened which I've felt is "Blog Worthy" and partly because some of the things I've been working on are still in the works so I want to wait until it's all finished before I show the "Before and After" pictures. For some reason it's been somewhat hard for me to get into the whole blog world. I don't spend hours on the computer each day, heck it's a miracle if I check my email more than 2-3 times per week (although I am getting better:)) I do though, really enjoy checking your blogs and reading and seeing what you are all up and how crazy big your kids are getting!

I've never been one to discuss really personal things on my blog because in many ways I'm guarded. But recently I've discovered that not talking or sharing things is not healthy either. I think I sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that everyone around me including friends and family have a perfect life. I find myself thinking "Wow, she has the perfect life, what would it be like to be her."  What we portray on our blogs, phone, Facebook, and in public is what we want others to perceive that we are. Most of us are happy positive people and we want to share with others the positive and happy things in our lives which is healthy and normal. We don't want to share the hardships or bad days because we are afraid of what others may think of us whether it be embarrassment or pride. We want others to see us in our "Sunday Best" instead of our "Real Life Denim Blues."  I have to constantly remind myself that NO ONE and I mean NO ONE has a perfect life. I, of all people should know that, but it's easy to compare ourselves with others and constantly find we don't measure up. From body image to talents, from religion to parenting, from monetary success to relationships, and everywhere in between. Do I think we have to air out all our dirty laundry? No way!!! But I do think it's refreshing to share struggles, frustrations, or silly things we do we can laugh about.

Where am I going with this you ask? Well, for while now Brandon and I have been trying to start a family and it hasn't happened as quickly as we had anticipated or planned on. It's been an emotional roller-coaster at times but things are getting better. Living in Utah County where every other young couple is expecting or has several small kids doesn't help either! I'm not going to lie, some days are harder than others but overall most days are good. I feel like a detective, working to crack the case of my complicated body. Bit by bit it is being solved. At first, I was very reserved talking about infertility in general but I discovered the more I talked about it, the more I realized I wasn't alone. So many women are going through the same things that I am. Believe it or not, I have received a lot of strength from my patients. Working on someone with your fingers and instruments in their mouth for forty-five minutes leaves you a lot of time to share life experiences and in return learn some valuable information and experience from them. I know it sounds silly but I've had a few patients who have really strengthened me with their own infertility experiences. Now please don't think I discuss my infertility with every patient that sits in my chair. But a handful of women have asked if I have any children which leads to "No, but we're in the process of starting one, it's just taking us a little longer" and so on and so forth. I had one patient who brought in a special ovulation kit she swears by. It was nicely camouflaged in a McDonald's Happy Meal she had her younger son carry up to the the front desk! I had another patient, who had been through several fertility treatments, offer me her cell number to call anytime I had any questions and the number of her fertility specialist she believes is the best in the US.

I'm beginning to see a pattern in my life-patience. My life has not happened the way I had expected but I wouldn't trade it for the world. My Patriarchal Blessing has always been a huge strength to me and works to set me straight when I start thinking my life is hopeless. My dad is always telling me to worry about the things I can control and let go of the things I can't. It just weighs you down.  I've really tried to take this to heart lately- changing my focus to living my life to the fullest, moving forward and not worrying about things that are out of my control. I feel good knowing what they believe is the problem and working toward correcting it with medication, etc. Thank you for your friendship and support, it means so much to me! I'll work on posting more in the next couple of weeks, seeing that I've been so behind.